Review: Piranha 3D (6/10) - 2010: A Mouthful Of Laughs

I never would have thought that when my brother Jon called me up to go to the cinema, I would even begin to contemplate the thought of spending the little cash I've got, on going to watch Piranha 3D. This is a film I have publicly ridiculed and laughed at in disgust whenever the trailer came onto the television.

Directed by Alexandre Aje (Director of The Hills Have Eyes), this 88 minute bloody babe-fest is set in the sleepy town of Lake Victoria, which is coincidentally also the annual setting for Spring Break. After a sudden underwater tremor, scores of prehistoric man(and woman)-eating piranhas are set free into the bikini-laden waters. An unlikely group of strangers (and pornstars) must band together to stop themselves from becoming fish food for the area's new razor-toothed residents.



The film stars Jessica Szohr (Gossip Girl), Steven R. McQueen (The Vampire Diaries), Elisabeth Shue (Hollow Man), Jerry O’Connell (Obsessed), Ving Rhames (Pulp Fiction), Adam Scott (Step Brothers), Richard Dreyfuss (Close Encounters Of The Third Kind), Christopher Lloyd (Back To The Future), and men's favourites, Kelly Brook (model) and Riley Steele (pornstar).

The following video is the film's official Trailer:



As you have just witnessed, I believe that the CGI (computer-generated imagery) throughout the film is potentially the worst I've seen since A Sound of Thunder's (2005) attempt in making a futuristic city, and worst yet on the big screen. The piranha movement looks incredibly fake (especially when "Doc Brown" drops one into the fish-tank). When I witnessed the above trailer on the television, the thought of people even wanting to download it illegally seemed like an unlikely waste of time.

The fact that this film was marketed as a 3D fright-fest is simply laughable, as I'd like to mention that I was not the only person who went completely cross-eyed at the opening credits to the point I had to take them off. Furthermore, the actual 3D bits of the film didn't really work like that on Avatar, or any other 3D film for that matter.

In an interview, Kelly Brook quoted that the film was "The ultimate horror, action exploitation movie" and that it is "everything you want a movie to be, and the fact that it's in 3D, gives it that extra edge." With this in mind, it makes me think that she has in fact recognised this film as an actual, serious piece of acting work on her part. I hate to be an a****le, but her performance is anything but a serious piece of eye-candy (however nice).

Eli Roth cameo's as a wet-tshirt contest host, which virtually sums up what you may expect from a film he may partake in (see Hostel, 2005). There were times in this film where I believe that Peter Jackson's Brain Dead (1990) influenced it with...erm...gore.

So why 6/10 you ask? You know what...I haven't laughed so much in the cinema in a long time. This wasn't necessarily down to scripted funny parts (of which there were quite a few), but due to the sheer unrealistic, over-the-top cliché aspects of the storyline that the audience (well me and my brother at least) found hilarious and downright ridiculously funny (Remember - Boat + everyone in the water; and a piranha's burp). It is evident that to direct that amount of extras is a challenge, but some of them were so poor, it made me cry with laughter. Some of the movie was genuine horror however, and evoked a shocked, manly "eww" when it occurred (Remember - Hair + Motor for when you see it), but more often than not, the graphics let it down.

One thing I can commend in this film is the make-up department. The actual gore displayed post-attack was phenomenal. The prosthetics were realistic, the blood was the right shade of colouring and consistency, and the main cast acting was in fact, quite decent in this instance. This isn't really the type of film that you can particularly label anyone as a stand-out performance (apart from Elizabeth Shue and Jerry O'Connell I'd say). Furthermore, I am still to this day unsure as to whether or not the director intended this film to be tongue-in-cheek/Shaun of the dead horror, or a genuine Hostel" horror with accidental comedy. All I can say is...if you would like to go to the cinema to see a soft-core porno with glimpses of horror and lots and lots of laughs, go and watch it.

Indie Review: Funny Games (7/10) - 2007: Watt's So Funny?

When scouring the local Blockbuster with another avid movie-addict I know, it's almost an impossible task to find a DVD both of us haven't seen. After scanning the shelves for a good thirty minutes or so, Samantha picked up "Funny Games". Now it seemed like a very unusual name for a movie, especially after reading the disturbing synopsis on the back, but we decided to give it a go under the notion that if it was a bad movie, that would be the last time she chose a movie with me. Harsh? Maybe, but it was all in good fun. (Incidentally, I picked the worst movie of the night so I'll keep that bit quiet).

When you read of a movie which has been re-released under the same name, by the same director (Michael Haneke), it should raise alarm bells with questions such as: Was it not successful the first time? Is someone that creatively challenged that they need to copy their own work?

However, after some research the original (1997) was an Austrian-release, compared to the new U.S. version starring surprisingly Naomi Watts (from The Ring). This surprised us due to the seemingly very low budget of the film, with fairly unknown actors involved aside from her, yet almost convinced Sam and I to rent it, rather than leave it on the shelves to collect dust.

IMDB indicate that the production crew used the blueprints from the original movie to create a shot-by-shot remake, including using the same proportions for the set of the house in 2007 as that of the set in 1997.

The movie is intended to represent how media influences violence in society, where a white, middle-class family are subjected to horrendous torture (both psychological and physical) and violence in the form of a "game" by two young visitors at the family's remote holiday home by the lake. The subject of this film is one that director Michael Haneke is quite passionate about.

Naomi Watt's performance is superb, as are all of the actors, with Tim Roth making a very convincing husband. The cold-hearted ruthlessness of Michael Pitt and Brady Corbet, leave a spine-tingling, shuddering concept of the capabilities of youths of today, possibly influenced through the media, and the whole concept of the movie. There are numerous scenes leaving you on the edge of your seat, including one with Devon Gearhart (the son of Watt's and Roth in the movie), wondering what exactly is going to happen next, like that of a Quentin Tarantino movie.

I must warn you that this is not your average slasher movie, and is edited in a very unique way. This includes characters communicating between themselves and the viewer. Some scenes like this may come across as confusing in the wider context, however this could simply be put down to the director who aims to provide an experience different to one that a viewer has ever experienced before, whilst succeeding at doing so.

The following trailer indicate the style of movie explained, but don't let the light-hearted soundtrack fool you:



I've rated this movie 7/10 and I highly recommend it for anyone who wish to be left shocked, disturbed and confused by the end credits. To give you an idea of the kind of movie it is claimed that during the film's screening at Cannes in 1997, it shocked the audience so badly that many viewers and film critics alike, walked out of the screening itself.

Very few movies leave you speechless and unable to comprehend the brutality they just witnessed, so the director can be credited on this. All I know is, that if anyone ever rings my doorbell mentioning their aunt sending them to fetch some eggs... I know where I'll tell them to go. (I'll also lock up my house, carry a knife in each hand, and hide in my locked room)... Sound a bit extreme? Then watch this movie...enough said!